Memory wise I'd go for 2x16GB straight away, leaves the option to upgrade later on if you'd ever want to. I'd say 3200mhz is the sweet spot in regards to speed, but that might be coming from an AMD Ryzen perspective. As that is what I run here.
Fractal Design makes excellent cases, I run my Unraid server in a Define R5 and just got a Define 7 for my new desktop machine. Haven't used the Node 804 myself, but that looks like an excellent case too. Cooling wise, the stock Fractal Design fans are pretty good. No real need to replace them, if you want to upgrade go Noctua. The Dark Rock Pro 4 is a great cooler on par with the Noctua NH-D15.
No reason the 4 HDD and 2 M2's won't work in your Unraid build. How are you going to migrate the data though? That might be something to think about.
I would personally not get the Asus XG-C100C card right now if you intend to only use it for link aggregation with the onboard 1Gb NIC. Maybe you'll want to go with fiber or a DAC later for 10Gb and then you're stuck with a RJ45 based card. My Unraid server and desktop machine were in the same room before and I had them linked up with two Mellanox ConnectX-3 cards and a DAC cable. The server has been upgraded and relocated to a different room, they are not both hooked up over the in wall Cat6 in my house and use Intel X550-T2 cards. The heat generated by RJ45 SFP+ modules is a real issue though. I run my Mikrotik CSS326-24G-2S+RM switch with the cover removed and a 90mm Noctua fan directly above the two SFP+ modules. Looking to install some heatsinks on the SFP+ slots additionally too. If I had a good option to replace it with fiber runs I would do so for sure.