Thank you so much for all your help! I ended up resolving the problem (for now, at least, I hope it stays that way). I ended up returning the motherboard, CPU, and RAM and purchasing entirely different sets.
Sets that failed:
CPU: Intel i7-14700K
MOBO: ASUS z790-V PRIME
RAM: 2 x Crucial Pro 96GB kit (totaling 192GB)
I returned that set and replaced the parts with the exact models (except the motherboard, which I changed to the "P" version because "V" ran out of stock):
CPU: Intel i7-14700K
MOBO: ASUS z790-P PRIME
RAM: 2 x Crucial Pro 96GB kit (totaling 192GB)
I then returned that and replaced it with this:
CPU: Intel i7-14700K
MOBO: Gigabyte Z790 AORUS Elite X
RAM: 2 x TeamGroup T-Create Expert 64GB (2 x 32GB) (now totaling 128GB)
This combination seems to work better. I think what was happening was one of (or some combination of):
The MOBO I purchased didn't have the Crucial RAM as officially listed, but this should've been solved by my Crucial Pro purchase
The amount of RAM I was attempting to push was too much
Somehow my first and second CPU were faulty to some extent. I think the memory controller may have been damaged or nonfunctional
Somehow the MOBO for the first two were faulty to some extent?
Regardless, I kept getting errors running memtest on the first two setups. I brought home the last set, ran the memtest, and woke up to a giant "PASS" in green. Thank goodness.
I ran the memtest with different configurations -- some with XMP disabled (or in ASUS's BIOS, set to "manual", which I think turns off XMP. Gigabyte's BIOS makes it a little more obvious to turning off XMP). I also tried two sticks, four sticks, etc. I didn't try putting a single stick in each slot and running it, I figured since I was in the return period I'd just go ahead and return before it was too late.
I think this was the comment that pushed me to return and find something else. Thanks so much for the final nudge. I was dreading rebuilding it, but I think it ended up for the better. Microcenter rep even joked, "There's a reason we bundle those [motherboards] together."
Thanks so much for these guides. I used these guides to rebuild the docker image and I'm in the process of redownloading and reconfiguring my docker applications. It wasn't as painful as I anticipated, thankfully, but still a little tedious to go back and configure the hardcoded URLs.