I never narrowed it down completely, but I did bandaid the problem. I believe the issue was caused by one of my reolink doorbells with a poor wifi signal causing the ffmpeg process to crash and hang, and for some reason it kept eating ram. I changed from rtsp to flv (look at reolink specific config on the frigate docs), which decreased the crashing severity, and limited the amount of ram frigate can use so if a memory leak does happen, it doesn't take all the server's ram and crash it.