I have since fixed this. Here's a writeup on what changes I made to fix it. Big thanks to @own on the Unraid Discord for their help:
Update Unraid. I was on 6.9.2, now on 6.10.3.
Make sure your motherboard is in full UEFI mode. It will probably be that way by default, but worth a check. If you're not sure how to check, look up your motherboard vendor on Google as they will probably do it the same on all their recent boards. For me it was already enabled.
Make sure resizeable BAR is disabled, again look up your motherboard vendor for where they keep the setting.
The VM should have the following settings:
BIOS: OVMF
Machine: The latest Q35
Don't use a GPU BIOS, that seems to have been phased out and is now unnecessary.
If you are passing through the only GPU in your system (so in my case, I don't have an iGPU, and only one dGPU), you must:
From the web UI, go to main > flash > syslinux configuration
Edit the Unraid OS section (or whichever one you use) to add 'video=efifb:off' to the append. So for me it looks like this:
This forces unraid to not interact with the GPU. Unraid won't display on the GPU anymore.
Once you have created the VM and have confirmed it posts, DON'T LET IT UPDATE OR INSTALL DRIVERS. First you must do a complete shutdown from within the VM, and then restart it from Unraid.
I accidentally installed video drivers before I was told not to, but it was recoverable. The screen went black and unresponsive like before, but in Unraid I could see disk usage spikes from the VM installing the drivers. I gave it enough time until I was sure it was finished, then forced shut down the VM. I then had to reboot Unraid, and create a new VM from scratch, but I pointed the vdisk location to the old image, allowing me to pick up from where I left off with the video drivers installed. This is what the VM looks like: (NOTE: This was only possible because my old image was created with a UEFI BIOS and OVMF, if yours is different it might be a different story)
From there, Windows should work and accept drivers and updates fine
Again, big thanks to @own on the Unraid Discord, you saved me from crying because I was starting to think I spent almost $2000 on an idea that wasn't going to work