DingusKahn

Guys, I am, and I can not overstate this enough, a complete and utter dumbass. After messing around with my internet more, I realized that it wasnt just unraid that was funky, it was everything! i went to walmart and bought a garbage router just to see if that would fix the problem, and it wouldnt even connect to the internet. I then realized I had not done the age old trick of unplugging and replugging in the modem. Wouldn't you know, now everything is hunky dory. I'm gonna leave this post up so that someone can read it and chuckle at my incredible stupidity.
 
Even though no one helped, I appreciate the fact that this forum exists with all its help and solutions.

Okay another update. Memtest passed with flying colors. It looks like the issue was the zfs pool on the cache drives. I erased the drives (there wasnt much on there to begin with) and lo and behold, the server came back online. I do believe that was the issue, but if someone smarter than me wants to confirm that by reading the syslog please go right ahead.
 
Someone linked this to me in another post and this seems to be the way to do it if you don't go nuts and just want to delete the cache like I did.