When it comes to the ports, I tried it with UDP only and it wasn't working, so I enabled both just to see if it would help. I've been checking them with the open port check tool at yougetsignal.com , I use that for work so I just defaulted to it, didn't think about the fact that it wouldn't work with these servers.
I have been using the LAN IP to connect locally, I think my UDM-Pro might support hairpin NAT, but I don't really see a reason to enable it or set it up when I can just access everything over the LAN.
I've been having friends externally try to connect to the server as well, and they aren't able to connect, which is how I know I still have some network setting configuration issues of some kind.
I'm pretty sure that I'm having issues on the server side because my homeassistant docker port forwarding worked perfectly, but maybe my UDM is interfering somehow, I have my ATT modem in IP passthrough and to my knowledge that means it shouldn't be stopping anything whatsoever, and it is passing my WAN ip to the UDM correctly.
I did turn off validation as well, thanks for the tip.
Do you recall anyone having similar issues? I'm genuinely not even sure which tree to be barking up, regardless thanks for the help!
I've attached my log file just in case its helpful.
genjimain-syslog-20230419-2257.zip