You're missing a very very important point here. Containers are immutable, the container I run, is the same as the container you run, which is the same as the container @OOmatrixOO is running. I think we both know he wouldn't know where to start with that link, and Ubuntu doesn't necessarily translate well to an Alpine docker container.
Instead I remoted in and just pulled a fresh container, typed the commands as I set out and it worked fine.